'Serotonin', 48x60, Acrylic on cigarette foil on board, 2019. Sold Growing up in the 80's and 90's meant that (for those in the know) we were exposed to a myriad of transformations, new technologies, cultures and shifts in art, music styles, fashion and lifestyles. It was a time when (in accordance with mental health institutions and schools of psychology) 'being positive', 'awakening the giant within' and the 'laws of attraction' were being promoted and heralded as the way to be and think. Think positive! The invention of the Atari, Commodore 64, the Apple Macintosh, Windows 95 (PC computers), CD, VCD and DVD players - meant that consumer mindsets and habits had to change. I, for one, was on board with this. It was new, fun, interactive. But I was (and probably still am, in most circumstances) an introvert (with the learned exception of when I'm performing music, writing or engaged in sports). This meant that I would be okay sitting down by myself for long periods of time either tinkering with these new fangled contraptions, or just listening to music or playing board games with one or two close friends. This meant reading books, comics, encyclopaedias, drawing or working at house chores alone. Learning new things alone, was a norm. When you grow up like this, you find fascination, curiosity and interest in the most simplest of things : A piece of rock sheared off a mountain or hill. In the contours and designs of a specific leaf, or the forms of moss and lichen. The textures of paint on asphalt roads, or in the cracking and peeling of paint from weathered walls - All serve to inform the inner tapestry and visual language of an introvert. In other words, and introvert is somebody who is comfortable attending to his/her inner worlds. Yes, there exists a world inside us. One that begs to be questions, prodded, understood, made sense of, ruminated upon, tested in the external 'real world' its validity, theory or otherwise. A way of being that extroverts usually regard as being 'moody' or 'socially awkward'. Extroverts don't take into account these inner worlds as severely or instinctively as introverts do. For most introverts, they do not have a choice. It's not something you can turn off, or on, like a light switch or an oven. In short, extroverts do not recharge or rejuvenate in the face of solitariness. Being alone is not the same as being lonely. While some encounter discomfort, struggle and chaos being alone - I find calmness, peace, serenity and comfort. Just mediating and navigating my inner world brings about order and organization that's needed in times of chaos and turmoil. I think it's one of the main reasons why I choose to be alone on most days, over the need to be surrounded by other people. One cannot escape being with oneself, forever. There will be a time when all we have, are ourselves to contend with. The question is : Do you look after yourself like you would someone you love and cherish? Or do you criticise, blame, judge, reduce your inner self to shreds? And if so, why? 'Entropy', 48x48, Oil on aluminium, 2023, Sold Coming to terms with one's mortality, limitations, biases, needs and shortcomings, is an intrinsic problem and conquest. I applaud those that get down to do the dirty work. For one can only run and hide for so long. Everything that we experience in life is recorded somehow on a cellular level. It's what we make of it all; that matters. It's about perception and understanding concepts and patterns. First you acknowledge it. Then you accept it. And then you let it go.
And there's a lot of work to be done in the world with regards to this. Extroverts tend to like group settings or experiences that involve lots of people. It lifts them up. Generally labelled as brash, loud and gregarious. In certain aspects I carry the extrovert characteristic : In sports or when performing music or in writing. However, I believe that in order to be confident, we must master a skill. Without mastery of an art form, there's no point in braggadocio. The analytical, organisational and critical part of me is loud and clear on this one. I'm superseded by a voice that tells me to 'think before I speak' or 'learn and master what is important to you'. It's valid. The world loves extroverts. This is evident in our social media feeds, in the financial world, in business, entrepreneurship and in the art world (to a certain extent). However, for all the numerous and overly publicised extrovert behaviour, there exists a considerable - if not equal amount of introverts. Those who quietly toil away, chisel at, who contemplate, reflect, think, write about and ponder silently - their existences, choices and words. It was introverted bankers and financiers who pointed out fallacies and shortcomings, way before a stock market or housing bubbles crashed. It is those who have loud inner voices and consciences, that see things that others don't. Sometimes we all move too fast, don't we?
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'Chau Tut' (pronounced Chow Toot) is a remarkable word. It's an adverb. A word that is related to how we perform an action. It's also used to describe a manner, or state of being. Like the words; strong, gentle or responsible. Being Chau Tut however, is the total opposite of all those examples. It describes a mental state of insanity, a silliness, a state of confusion. A person who is Chau Tut is somebody who has lost the plot or is acting from a premise of having one screw loose. Or is driving a car with one less wheel or missing a piston.
Essentially, the word has Cantonese origins. 'Chau' is to run. An action. 'Tut' however, has no origins anywhere (to my best linguistic understanding). And I do speak 3 languages. As far as I know, there is no 'Tut' (meaning, nor word) that exists in any language or dialect. But it does sound silly. So to Chau Tut means to Run Amok. Its uses goes something like this - 'That fella chau tut lah'. Or, 'That is so chau tut'. It expresses a mental state or action that is so impossibly off the scale that it is not to be taken seriously, whatsoever. By saying this or that is Chau Tut, signifies that the action is totally irresponsible, ridiculous and silly. The chances are, whatever it is hasn't been given any coherent thought to, prior to the action. Totally missing the point and the focus. How do people Chau Tut, and why? I think the word cropped up about 10 or more years ago. When one would be in an intoxicated state or messed up from hard drugs - It's one of those colloquial slangs. That on one hand although it's a terrible state to be in, but being able to say that oneself is Chau Tut also means that an awareness is at play. That one is at least aware enough that one is acting from a nonsensical point of reference. It can be a self regulating mantra. It serves as a warning that someone (or oneself) is off the rails. In BM it can be described as : 'Sudah masuk air' (translated to 'Water has entered the system'.) There's a sense of nonsense about the act or individual, or a sense of stupidity - depending on how severe the chau tut-ness is. The moral of the story is this : Don't chau tut, okay? 'The world will ask you who you are, and if you do not know, the world will tell you.' - Carl Jung The Scorched Earth Series was an experiment in 2020 (Covid time) to utilise mediums and materials which were found locally or within my environment. To find meaning from the materials and to form an expression. In the search for meaning, I have had to look within (sometimes at uncomfortable things). There was no holding back, fearing, and no use fighting with the materials. It served one purpose : to bring forth and to reveal what was buried beneath the work. To put things into order from chaos. The essence of transcendence and transmutation is chiefly about this process. A painting or a work is never finished, it is interrupted. We cannot foretell the future - Only alter our memories of the past to fit our narratives. To learn from the past, to sort and shift - is what the work was about. There is time, and there are the times where we do work. Work doesn't happen on its own. I spent about 6 months making these (there are a few more, stored away). These were made in times of solitude, distress even, but there were always realizations and insights. And then one day, the works were done. I was done. I couldn't add nor remove anything from the works. 'Untitled', 60x60 inches, Mixed media on panel, 2020 'Illuvium I', 24x24 inches, Mixed media on panel, 2020 In a way, they exist in this space as a culmination of the materials they are composed of. They are byproducts of time and space. A becoming of something independent. Something which beckons to be seen, felt, experienced. Why do these things exist? There is no logical answer to that. We can try to decipher it - But it is quite impossible. And we live with that knowledge and limitation as best as we can. In the works, I'm not seeking representations. There's a premise of design : What feels right. What feels wrong. There exists beauty in design, but there's always an undertone of destruction and chaos. The work goes beyond paintings. Layer upon layer was built up. And removed. There's an aura to these works. A spirit and aesthetic; like an old musty book. There's something there which you can't put a finger on. It's this, but it's also something else. The leaves were randomly placed. Just chucked on. It's an organic method of working. Nature is chaotic and we create order from it. I intended the work to be serendipitous. On a walk to buy dinner one day, I may find some twigs on the floor. On another trip out, I may see a bunch of leaves but I don't collect it. So it's through trusting this intuition that the materials came to be on the canvas. The works naturally happened through curation. 'The Sun, The Moon and The Stars of Our Interior Lives', 60x120 inches, Mixed Media on canvas, 2020 The work comes from a place of connection and communication with the creative spirit. Just being in a flow state. There were no concepts, no one telling me outright what or what not to do. Curation is about the need to file things. To sort things. To rearrange the context of things. To put order to things is what creation is about. The works are also about death and impermanence. It's about letting go. It's about remembering the value, emotion and feelings of those that have passed. Something new breaks through the cracks when I destroy a work or a painting. There is a sense of adventure. It's bravado. It's about questioning the status quo. It's about reaching further. Of diving into the unknown. Of tapping into the cosmos; The great provider. Life lends itself to more life. It's about giving fear the middle finger - saying You there! You are bullshit. I'm not afraid of you. 'Scorched Earth', 36x36 inches, Mixed Media on panel, 2020. Sold 'Heart Of The Matter', 24x24 inches, Mixed Media on panel, 2020 The work is about time. A moment, a space and place which I exist and am tethered in. The series is a recording of that. It's about dreams, fears, ruminations. Of checks and balances.
Dried leaves and cement talks about decay and destruction. It talks about our time on earth and how and what we are doing to impose or improve on that. With the materials, I wanted to transmute things. To turn things into other things. It's up to the viewer to define what exactly it is we're talking about. And that's life isn't it? How we all look at things from the past and how we construct narratives from them to fit our frameworks. It's how we reform memories and events in order for it to suit us. So we can move forward. In making sense of things. Without this capacity, we'd be annihilated. We learn, and we get better. There is a sense of history in the work. Things are difficult, before they are easy. 'There is a voice that doesn't use words. Listen.' - Rumi The new oil on aluminium works seek to combine 2 distinct styles that I've been working on for the past 6 years or so. They are : (1) The cityscape paintings and the (2) Oil on aluminium abstract experiments (namely, the Surface Tension, Terra Firma and Particle Series of works). I've always wanted to paint cityscapes on aluminium composite panels. What a challenge! Thankfully, 2023 (after many murals - which are great experiences) brings this intrinsic calling to realization. In making the works (there are others, which I will slowly parcel out on the socials) I am inured by errors in judgement, limitations and insight which make the work all the more human. The works are failable, immersive, raw and immediate. There's a sense of urgency - the piece almost falls apart. But it doesn't. It's not there yet, and at the same time it has arrived. A delicate balance. A quiet strength. One can very quickly go from - This is okay (not bad) to complete destruction. Aluminiums are very unforgiving surfaces, repelling paint and reacting in quite unconventional ways. We've definitely got a risky thing going on here. 'Elixir' (Jalan Tun Tan Cheng Lock, KL), 48x48 inches, Oil on aluminium, 2023. Sold 'Untitled ACP04-2023', 48x48 inches, Oil on aluminium, 2023 This monologue only happens to the best of us. When we are at the precipice of understanding everything, yet oddly in unfamiliar territory. We still don't know what exactly it is that we're searching for. It's a place where experience meets wonder. Where realism dances with abstraction. Where strength meets pliability.
It's where structure meets chaos - beckoning more questions. It's disruptive. A shifting of perspectives. A new way of looking at things. These are concepts. Brought into the world through a desire to form, build, create, cajole, ossify. It is the calling that needed to be heard. It's difficult for me as an artist to leave the marks that were laid down - alone. Because it's final. It cuts off all other possibilities. But it has to be done. It's about instilling discipline into the process. It's about trusting that I have done my best. That we've reached the end. But of course, that never happens intrinsically. 'The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.' - Marcus Aurelius 'It takes a village to raise a child' - African proverb It's 2023. It's a Saturday and it's in the afternoon as I write this sitting at my dining table at home (the typing and uploading of this essay will be done sitting in front of my Mac Mini later). The sun beams its rays from about 150 million kilometres away and it nurtures and provides sustenance to all forms of life on our planet - Humans, plants and animals thrive in this auspicious configuration. As I sit here and write, I begin to form an idea of what it is that I'm supposed to express. This feeling is aligned with title of this essay : To put one's foot in front of the other. As simple as this statement may or may not sound, I truly believe that understanding simple truths like this make all the difference in one's life. For example, following the non-hurried flow and simplicity of one's breath in and out is fundamentally the nature of our existence. Something which many take for granted, or completely forget about at times. I grew up at a time when there were no handphones. No personal computing. No social media. No Youtube, movies on demand and most of all - No Google. And because of this, we knew nothing about the world we lived in, except for things we read in Encyclopaedias, books, newspapers or through conversing with others. The family functioned as a grounding element, where one derived his/her/their first views of the world. Back then, it was okay not to know everything. There existed things out there that we needed to seek knowledge and experience for. To gain some insight and understanding. You had to work for your meal. So it was a different era. To learn about the world, you had to go out and experience it. And hopefully maintain your sanity at the end of the day. You went home after your explorations about life. The family unit was (and is) supposed to be coherent, sheltered - A safe place. But it also evolves and changes as one's needs (and family units, groups or systems) - change over time. Seasons change. So does character, habits and life choices do so with age, and with the times. New technologies are invented all the time. New energy and ways of working too. Science marches on. I have since then gone through many wonderful (and sometimes uncomfortable) changes, and writing this one the eve of my birthday, serves to highlight a passage of time to the narrative. What have I learnt? I'd like to show you a diagram of what artists' go through when they attempt new work (it's also called The Creative Process, in jest) : Ironically, I think it relates to a lot of other things in life too. It's about how we approach, think and experience things in life. These thoughts circulate (perhaps in mostly the same pattern) whenever we attempt a new task. It happens when we attempt mighty and challenging tasks. It's about beginnings and endings. We all encounter Act 2 : Conflict. At this stage we question our motives. We appear lost and confused. This leads to negative thoughts. I'm not good enough. Who am I trying to fool? I don't know what I'm doing. This sucks. I think it's a natural occurrence, and it's the part of the flow of things. Not knowing, not being able to see into the future is fairly normal; especially when we are confronted with the unknown. When we attempt new things for the first time, of course we don't know what we're doing. Wisdom and resilience comes after the experience, and never before. The point of going through with things is in the challenge. That you are called upon to partake and participate in this thing called life. The premise of all this is evolution. To live a fuller, more expansive life. You are growing and it's painful, no doubt. But change isn't painful, it's the resistance to change that is painful. Resistance comes from within, not externally. How do we find peace and stability in this process? Not overthinking helps. Wu-Wei. Effortless action. And faith. It is the labels that we give to ourselves and others, the thoughts and feelings that we attach ourselves to, that gives these things a sticky feeling. We give these things energy, a form, a name, a feeling - When we don't necessarily have to. There is a biological and chemical thing that happens in our brains when we keep thinking in a certain way for prolonged periods of time. I'm no neuroscientist or doctor, but neural pathways do exist and they carry electrical and biological energy in the process. Stick a metal rod into an orange and you can conduct enough energy to light an LED bulb. While we are governed by these biological, physiological and emotional impulses daily - being human - It would be beneficial to self reflect, meditate upon and study - Our limitations, as well as gifts. That yes, while we may possess biases and blind spots, we also carry in us seeds of creative energy (or waves, if you prefer that visual). We have our own specialties. Some are scientists who learn and discover new things about the earth we live in. Some are doctors that attend to the sick. Some are artists who work with their mediums to express music, writing, dance and art. Some are trained psychologists and they attend to mental and emotional health issues. The list goes on. 'The Well Where We All Go Down To Drink', 60x60 inches, Mixed Media on canvas, 2020 Each person you meet today or in the near future are but parts of the universe waving back at you. It's saying to you, 'Hey, hi!' or 'We are here, right now in the moment and what a great joy it is to see you!' Although, in some deviations the message can differ. Sometimes it's a serene whisper, connection and companionship. Sometimes it's on the other end of the spectrum - something that irks you. Something that makes you angry. Or bamboozles and disrupts your day. Or sometimes it makes you feel uncomfortable. Stressed out. But the premise is always this : It's something that asks for your attention. For your time and awareness. The difference lies in how you perceive it. What is it asking of you? To expand your awareness. Are you seeing and sensing these things from a perspective of fear, lack or understanding and awareness? I think we all intuitively know where we are operating from (if we dare to ask the questions that matter).
Take some time to address this. If you do, don't lump all your troubles into one basket, or funnel all your challenges into one particular moment. Break it down. Ask the question, why? What is it that I need to change and be aware of? Place one foot in front of the other. The destination / end goal is not important. It's how we navigate and walk the path that matters. Everyone has their own core beliefs and values, but I'd like to finish off with a few that resonate with me : With humility, love, abundance, understanding, awareness and camaraderie. Don't let the monkey mind get you. A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. Likewise, a richer and more fulfilling life begins not with the accumulation or desire of material goods or experiences - but in a state of better awareness and understanding of said goods and experiences.
In our lives, we will encounter a whole plethora of existences and experiences. People (including oneself) experience sadness, anger, anxiety, being burnt out, anguish, confusion, depression, feelings of being victimized etc. - Yet there exists on the same spectrum; Optimism, wealth and prosperity, contentment, melancholy, joy, excitement, hope etc. The feelings that exist in the world are broad, rich and expansive. This is what it means to be human, for the goal is to experience this life fully and wholeheartedly. At least, in my humble opinion, that is. We are here to express something. To feel something. To enjoy and experience what this world has to offer us. For some, this is a rough time. It's confusing. To them I say; This is your calling, your journey. It is your responsibility to transcend negative experiences. To see things for what they truly are. Things happen, yes. Some things we may feel 'good' about. Some 'bad'. I personally try not to label situations. I don't think there are such parallels in this narrative we call life. There are only things that happen, and we base how we feel about them, purely on our perceptions. Win or lose, they are parts of the games we play in life. Our reactions to the things that happen, matter. They are signposts to how we perceive the world and ourselves. The aim is to search within ourselves, the truth of the matter. Raising awareness, simply means to experience life more fully and richly. There are times when we make bad decisions. Times when we let our egos get the better of us. These are called blind spots. Times when we make ill informed, irrational and unconscious decisions. It is quite difficult to raise ones awareness without some form of habit, ritual, prayer or exercise that works to stop the mind from overthinking. Because when we think, or are thinking, we detach ourselves from who we truly are. And who are we? Conscious, aware beings in physical bodies. The more we think - the less we are connected to the Source, or Universe, or God. This is not to say, don't think. No. Of course we need to think, calculate, plan and execute. But the trick is to return to awareness. This fluctuation, this dance - is what I mean by being aware. Take accountability for your actions. Don't lose the plot. It will take practice. To change your life, you must make changes to your life. To get better at painting, paint more. To get better at writing, just write. To overcome fear, do the thing that scares you most. To be more aware, observe the thought as the one who observes. Reconnect with your consciousness. It is that simple and profound. It's that easy. Or difficult, if you think so. Create better habits. Raise your awareness and you'll raise your experience of life. When you can take delight in just watching a sunset, or shapes of clouds on a windy day, or the forms of foliage, or the play of light and shadows on trees - You are in full awareness of the moment. A state also called 'no-thought'. Sure, your mind will want some validation - Hey! Look at this! - But that's essentially what it was made to do anyway. To warn you about dangers. Predators. Potholes. Beyond these physical dangers, it doesn't serve much purpose. Observe your surroundings for what it really is. When we cease to negotiate, manipulate, cajole, obfuscate, associate, conquer, divide - what is left is peace. Also called joy, awe, wonder, love, fulfilment, oneness, stability, connection. I think that is the goal of it all. To truly express ourselves wholeheartedly. Passionately. I think that's the secret ingredient. What a year it's been huh? 3 murals in a year. That's how many public spaces I've been asked to paint and occupy over the past 300 days or so we've been rotating around the sun.
The first of these was in June of 2022. I was approached by an interior design and construction firm. They were asked to locate me by the client - a multi national corporation. The client had seen a mural I did at Pasar Seni MRT Entrance A. This led to discussions, pricing, sketches and finally landing the job at the client's office. It was a great experience for me and my team (which consisted of my student Calvin, Marisa and my assistant Aishu). We completed the mural in about 2 weeks. The second one took a bit longer. Details cannot be released at the moment of writing this. But I will update the blog when the official video and launch of the outlet happens. I can say this though; that everyday we were there, we had to go through police checkpoints, conveyor belt Xray contraptions and that we were surrounded by commercial airplanes. The third mural in this story is this. It is located at a law firm and the boss, Fahri, is a great chap and a very intelligent, purposefully driven person and lawyer. Done at a public walkway, it is open to the public to view. It's a very forward thinking piece, pushing boundaries of what's known and trying to give sensibility and accountability to things that are unknown. A generous act of beautifying the wall in front of the office, this project has led to many great (and sometimes funny) discussions and revelations and has accrued interest from passersby in the Mutiara Damansara community. I believe that art (no matter what category or genre) - serves to unite people, foster honest conversations and are pieces where people can connect; if only just for a brief few moments. Art has the ability to stop a person in his/her tracks, to draw and cajole a person out of themselves. Being able to draw or paint well of course, is a prerequisite for this. But upon deeper introspection and understanding of how the world works, in no small feat does wishful thinking make things happen. Sure, we'd all like to be hired all the time doing what we love, but in reality, there are more parts to this. First of all, I believe in people. In everything that we set out to do, whether in business, sales, advertising, the arts, music, finance - It's about people. Ultimately, you'll be working with people most of the time. So it's best to study and understand people skills : The art of presentation, public speaking, listening, conceptualising, being humble, approachable, being grounded and truly knowing yourself both in and out. In general, we all have the same biological makeup, and psychological nuances. We all have our flaws and good points. To know oneself, is to know others. Secondly, it pays to be patient, honest, deliberate, dedicated, researched and open to new ideas, techniques and methods of executing your craft. Read more. Study. Spend time alone. Put in the work. It doesn't pay to be close minded, selfish or egotistical. Or to approach things from a place of lack or scarcity. The latter does not bode well in the larger scheme of things. It's beneath us. In my formative years working for people I've heard this axiom many times - That one should protect one's ideas. Safeguard them like they are the families jewels or gold. I've always had the feeling that there's something a bit wrong about that. Why so protective? Sure, some people may steal it, but isn't plagiarism the best form of flattery? It is only in my later years (after studying myself and the world) I've come to realize that people who say things like that are coming from a place of scarcity and lack. Ideas are bulletproof. An idea doesn't come from you. It comes from the Creative Source or the Universe. Nobody can take it away from you, because in the first place - it wasn't yours to begin with. We are all conduits. Nobody can take an idea or subtract it from you, because and idea only wants to grow (in the real sense of the word) bigger. I believe that if we over protect and try to claim the idea for ourselves - We are inherently killing and destroying the idea and negating it's original Source. I believe that by sharing the idea forward without fear nor favour is to accept graciously that we are connected and blessed to have been tuned into the frequency of the universe. The goal of life is to expand, experience and express oneself truly. In withholding things; we are being anti-life. Having tested this theory in my own life, I can with full confidence, reasoning and belief express that operating from abundance and gratitude - to trust the process - is the way of life. It arises in the way children play, share toys and exude enthusiastic energy while playing. It is evident in the dance. It appears when we are in the zone, when we are in the flow state of things. Sometimes, we have just lost our way, over time, growing up. 'Every child is an artist. The problem is staying an artist when we grow up' - Pablo Picasso Imagine a world where everyone shared their knowledge, resources and supported each other. Where everyone is full, optimal, knowledgeable and supportive. We'd have long solved a lot of problems in the world, or at least have better understanding of ourselves and our communities. Thinking this way inadvertently begets the question : But where will the darkness reside? Well, that is a good question. Chaos will always find a way. It is the counter balance to the light. To structure. Maybe it will manifest in perceived threats of violence, in injustice, and where tension resides. That is the counterbalance. Always trust the light and find a way. In my experience, a lot of young people (and sometimes, older people too, very questionably) struggle with this concept of Doing what you like vs. Doing things you hate, or dislike. So, we may think that doing things we like (which is pleasurable, no doubt) is one of life's goals and something to look forward to, isn't it? It's that surge of endorphins, serotonin or whatever feel good chemicals that arise in your brain and physical body when you do things that are pleasurable. But the paradox of this is that in reality, to do the things that you like; you first have to do what you dislike.
What we like and dislike are very personal issues. What you may like doing that gives you pleasure in the act of doing it - May differ from the next person's feelings about the same act. And vice versa. We are very specialized creatures of habit, psychology and nuance. Physiologically too. What works for me, may not work for you. But the distinction and fact is, that there are things that you and I do that gives us pleasure over stress. Things that bring about joy, or difficulty. Yes? And there are things that we may find difficult to attempt at first, but after a while, it may become a habit, or something that we have allowed ourselves to commit to daily practice. Things like this could include washing the dishes. Or cleaning our rooms. Or helping others. Or public speaking. The list goes on. Very concrete analogies and examples above. Now I will go a little abstract here, if you may. Doing what you dislike builds resilience and discipline. It is uncomfortable but necessary. Because you find it difficult, it means that you are not used to it. That it is something that you do not have access to (yet) and that may be important in your life. What you dislike to do is the buffer between your perceived ego (what you perceive as You) and the external world. The external world is something that I would describe as : situations, people and/or environments that are outside our physical body. I'm trying to keep this topic very simple here. So after a while of doing what you dislike, you begin to build a reputation of a trustable, dependable, hard working person or character. When people begin to associate you with being dependable, people will trust your eye and judgement. They will begin to put their money or trust in you. This is how you bridge both the internal and external worlds together. This is the reason we pull our socks up and do the things that are required of us. Even though we dislike it at first. Perfection is lots of little things done well. Nobody likes to work so hard to gain a six pack or a fit body. Nobody likes to wake up at 6 in the morning, exercise, meditate, shower and get to work early. Nobody likes to work so hard daily only to receive remuneration which they think is below what they should receive. But the premise is this : That with repetition, daily toil and honest, hard work, that by being fully immersed in this thing called life, we begin to open up and bloom like a flower. We begin to realize deeply, and we begin to manifest in the physical world the changes that are required for us to receive those things which we want and need. When you attempt doing things you dislike, it becomes easier to do what you do like. Here's the caveat : There will always be rules, boundaries and limits in any event, game, system or methodology. While life can be chaotic, Life also has it's own rules. So while the title of this piece is Doing What You Like - most of the time you will have to abide by some kind of rule, or rules of the game. This is the thing you'll have to realize and accept. That in any game or system, there are bound to be rules. It is paradoxical. And this is what makes it fun, if you understand the deeper meaning of it all. So, for the young and the uninitiated, you'll have to humble yourself and start at the bottom of the ladder. A journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. You'll have to begin with the most basic fundamentals. Which is : Find a way to do what you dislike or hate doing. If you can manage this, you will have transcended the game of labels. Of ego. Of narcissism. Of excuses. Of blame. Of mediocrity. And then you can eventually do what you like. This is about one's perception. It's about looking at the issue from another point of view. To fully understand what is Left, you must first know what is Right. To fully understand Freedom, you must first know Rigidity, Structure and Discipline. To fully know the Light, you must have walked in the Dark. That is the most sustainable way. It is the full experience of it. So to reiterate, do what you dislike first. Put aside your inflated ego. Expectations. Mindless feedback. Chatter. Gossip. The inner critique. Just do what you dislike in order to fully enjoy doing what you do like. There will come a time when you have come to a realization that the two extremes are actually in fact, the same thing. But that's a story for another piece. Somewhere behind Central Market leading up to Dayabumi. Shot in 2018 I grew up in a relatively small section of Petaling Jaya in the late 70's and 80's. Back then, there wasn't much in the way of highways or tall buildings. My first experiences with skyscrapers was the IBM Tower in TTDI, and while visiting relatives in Pekeliling Flats in KL, during my youth. My dad was always working to earn a living for the family, my mom, a housewife. In my teenage years I was able to experience personally, the large, immense city that we call Kuala Lumpur. It was then that I began clubbing, dancing, partying and gallivanting the streets and clubs at night till the wee hours of the morning. In the daytime, street, rap and skate culture led me to places like Lot 10 and Sungei Wang in Bukit Bintang. This was in the mid 90's. I began to realize that metropolitan cities like this were found everywhere else in the world. They provide a function of industrialisation; they are working and living spaces for millions of people. People travel and relocate to large cities, primarily for work. To earn better livelihoods and to make worthwhile, an education that was paid for by sweat and tears by parents, families and student loans. A better quality of life. That's the main idea is, isn't it? Cities nourish and prop up the capitalist ideal : to provide spaces that house the best variety in entertainment, finance, food and beverages, hotels, nightlife, stores, movie theatres, grocers and a multitude ways to spend your hard earned cash that would never exist in a kampung. So why do millions of people that live, commute and work in the city feel lonely and alienated? Why do they feel depressed? A disconnection happens when an individual is cut off from his/her family. Humans are social creatures. This is evident in our shared communal history. Essentially, we are all just very advanced animals / mammals that can wilfully create and believe in fictional, abstract ideas. Isn't the idea of money, law, countries and borders, entertainment, trends, social media - merely products of our imaginations? Aren't our combined and shared beliefs, the wellspring that make these things real and tangible? It exists in our minds. It resides there, conscripted to us from infancy. Why are people disconnected and lonely in big cities? Its been demonstrated that the ideologies of capitalism do not benefit our natural state of being. Cities are antithetical to the social animals that we are. When we hit crises in our lives, who do we turn to for support? Our families and friends - Echoing what The Beatles wrote in '67 : 'We get by with a little help from our friends'. I walk around the streets of Kuala Lumpur and I see elderly shopkeepers holding the fort in their businesses. Flower shops, mini markets and grocers, foodstall hawkers etc. - They have been living and working the city almost all their lives. They've been doing the same thing for 20, at times, 30-40 years. Exuberant as they may be, they are ruthless too. They don't take shit from anyone. It's a cutthroat world out there. And there's no time to dawdle. The natural instinct to survive and thrive in the city amazes me. I find this trait and skill admirable, brutally honest and noble. KL is very much like any big city in the world. There's your KFC, McDonalds, Uniqlo, H&M, Fridays, Starbucks, Samsung, Apple store - being in one mega mall is like being in any other mall in the world. The juxtaposition lies in the remnants of the past, embedded in the city's architecture. Abandoned buildings and skyscrapers still tower among us, deserted and neglected. Back alleys co-exist in the dark. They are dingy, broken and remedied streets. Dark alleys await us in the nocturnal light, anticipating the possibility of a passerby. This macabre juncture between the new and the old fascinates me. As a visual artist and human being, it is unavoidable. It's all there for us to look at, like a bad traffic accident. Desolate places where people who fall in between the cracks of life, live, rest and find respite. The streets mimic life ensconced. The ghosts of present and past are laid bare for all to see. Being an artist, this fissure attracts my attention. Old tiles from the 60's, old stairways leading nowhere, rickety plumbing and haphazard electrical wiring - these are spirits of the past; planners and doers contributed to these contraptions. They are now debauched. Uncared for. Put aside and set asunder. Filed away for an unknown future. This is the real KL - the real city we live in. It's the soul of the megacity. It's what swallows us whole, if we let it. For a lot of city dwellers, these are truths of their lives. It humbles me to think about the squalid affairs of things. But let's get real. It is important. And it matters. A homeless man sitting by the roadside at Jalan Walter Grenier. Shot in 2018 Many do not have families to go back to at the end of the working day. They are separated from their kin. There is no other option, sad as it may be. We are a civilised culture, or so we think. Countless wars, revolutions, civil unrest has befallen us throughout history and will continue to do so. In the face of adversity ('Tirar Para Arriba', meaning 'to toss upwards' but most often translated as 'to overcome adversity') - people do what they can and will. There are great, beautiful things that happen on a daily / hourly basis which we will never see in a shopping mall. It is in the giving of food to the less fortunately and homeless (soup kitchens). It is in the giving of money or alms to the needy when they never ask for it. It is in the strength of a community that rallies around to help others in times of need and disaster (earthquakes, floods, tsunamis, fires, COVID). It is in the good samaritan who holds the door open for the elderly. Or in the act of holding the lift doors open for others to enter. It is in the generosity of companies and corporations that appropriate yearly funds and resources to feed, clothe, buy school bags and books, toys, playthings, soccer balls, dolls - for the orphans in the outskirts of the city (through CSR programmes) and it is in the sending of money back home to siblings, families, elderly parents, aunties and uncles and ailing families and communities. This is not heroic. These are not superhuman feats. They are basic values, a common decency and natural for us as human beings - as natural as the sun rises and sets. As natural as breathing. 'Rubicon', 48x48 inches, Oil on canvas, 2022 The new Cityscapes embody this story of humanity, hope, responsibility, love and resilience. Never forget your roots. We live on this pale blue dot and in a yellow submarine. For as much hurt and suffering we may inflict upon ourselves and others, we also have an enormous capacity to heal, to take care of, and to believe in the impossible. We can realize our dreams and desires if we want to, no matter who or where we may be. Care for others. Listen. Be still and accountable. Embrace your humanity.
This is an excerpt from a Q&A that was done in 2021 that was intended for Sembilan Art Residency's new website.
1. Rewinding back in time - How did you get started in Art? I've always been drawing since I was a kid. I remember drawing on very large mahjong papers as a kid- one who was hyperactive, could not stay still, and so these papers were given to me as a way to keep me occupied. Growing up, in school as well, I was always drawing. Anatomy, comic book art, calligraphy and learnt the fine art of sketching and watercolors as a teenager. Growing up, I was trained in classical piano and the organ. Naturally, I gravitated towards art and creative endeavours. As a young adult, I learnt photography, music/audio production & engineering, computers. In my working years, I was exposed to graphic design, Photoshop, 3D, videography, performing as a DJ, events and marketing. It was only 2010 that I began painting again, making use of the skills and knowledge (I studied literature & the social sciences in college) that I accumulated, learned and experienced over the years. In a way, coming back to the beginning, but with new eyes and disposition. 2. What led you to Sembilan - Where were you in your art career at the time? An old buddy, James Yip (one of the co-founders of Sembilan) asked me out for dim sum one day with an idea for an artist residency that he, his wife Xin Yi and Lee (co-founder) were setting up. I agreed to join Sembilan as their first season artist, alongside Jael Estrella. At the time, I was already a few years into my art practice. This was in 2014. After some consideration, I jumped at the opportunity, wanting to further my art practice and thought processes. I had been doing a few group shows as well as solo shows in the Klang Valley too, and wanted to take this opportunity to learn new things about my craft: making bigger works, making use of the studio space and getting to know Seremban town - where the first residency was held. I had been extensively travelling and documenting Malaysia's cities, towns and islands at the time. 3. What were your expectations prior to joining and were they met? I didn't have much expectations, to be honest. Of course, the basics - A studio space to work in, a place to stay at, and to have enough money to pay my bills and expenditures. The Sembilan team fulfilled all my expectations. I had a great time. It was an eye opener for me; having dedicated use of a professional artist studio then. This experience informed my choice to subsequently open my own studio/atelier shortly thereafter. And I've run my own studio ever since. It's amazing what one can achieve in a designated workplace, away from home. It gives the artist freedom, a physical and mental space to make their best works, at any given time. 4. Would you join (or have you joined) any other art residencies since? In 2014, near the end of our Sembilan residency, we (Jael and I) we were sent to Penang for Wei Ling Gallery's mentorship programme. I was mentored under Hamidi Hadi, a great abstract artist and academic. We are still friends till this day and it was a great learning experience. In 2018, I joined Rimbun Dahan for a 3 months as their South East Asian Artist in Residence. There, I created a body of work which went on to show at a two-man show at the National Art Gallery of KL, organized and represented by the infamous Pelita Hati Gallery of Art. It's rather strange writing about this now, that some of the smaller female portraiture paintings from my Rimbun Dahan residency - recently got sold at an art fair at Seoul, Korea this year in 2021 through the Korean Gallery LVS. Artist residencies are great for the formation of (new) ideas and processes for an artist. It pushes the artist beyond what they normally do in their own studios. 5. What would your advice be to an artist who is considering to join an art residency program? I'd tell the artist to go for it. Make the sacrifice. Go beyond your comfort zone - it's where great things happen for you, where growth truly begins. I've had the privilege of both talking to art interns, students and writing letters of recommendations for artists who are trying to get into art residency programs. I've had to review works from national artists in national art competitions too. The common singularity is this - A curious mind, someone who wants to explore their craft further, pushing the boundaries of what we know as human beings, and making the effort to make their dreams a reality. The art world is tough, it's risky; but you know innately if art making is for you. Whether you are meant to do it. We don't regret the things we did. We regret the things we failed to do. 6. In relation to the art ecosystem, are residencies important, and why? Yes, they are. The are breeding grounds for ideas and experimentation. Artist residencies are pillars of the ecosystem. Alongside writers, critics, galleries, museums, art schools, artists et al. At a residency you are guided, given space to work. It's akin to a blank slate for you as an artist to make known, what is unknown or unrealized. It's a kind of academic institution, but for a limited time only. So make your best works there, enjoy your time during the residency and make connections and networks that you may not have had the opportunity to do so; if you were working alone in your studio. Enjoy the process, be gratuitous and be graceful in your daily undertaking. 7. Finally, where are you at with your art career at the moment, and what's next from you? That's the eventual question isn't it? I'm super busy at the moment haha. Having employed an assistant and running my studio, this takes up my waking and working hours. I work on paintings and document the process. Everyday I'm reading, meditating, writing, attending shows, participating in group and solo shows and generally speaking and engaging people from the lens of an artist. This means, the topics generally revolve around photography, videography, composition, elements of design or framing works, ordering supplies and making adjustments to my works: readying them for shows, clients or galleries and having enough time and mental clarity daily for exercise, family, loved ones, a cup of coffee, regular meals and a good nights sleep. When you get to a phase or a level in your work as an artist, you'll need to begin sacrificing some things which people take for granted. It may mean declining a visit to a party, or having to work alone, removing staples, carrying heavy things or reorganizing and dealing with storage space in the studio. Or buying and investing in expensive artist grade materials. If it's required of you, go do it. Be serious about where you are going in your career, plan your path and shoulder that responsibility. Take pride in your work and enjoy the small victories when and where you can get it. The art market is a beast. So be humble, graceful and be thankful for where you are in the ecosystem. Respect the past, learn the trade and when and after you master it, don't be afraid to break the rules or to question the status quo. But always in the spirit of respect, tradition and evolution. Be confident, expressive, have no fear and put in the work. Oh, I haven't answered the question of what's next for me? haha. The usual. Get better at my work from working at it. Joining upcoming art fairs that my galleries will be participating in, solo shows or group shows. Pushing forward, putting my hypothesis to the test, failing, succeeding. All part and parcel of an artists' trajectory. But most importantly, I look for ways to help others. 'As you grow older, you will discover you have two hands, one for helping ourselves, the other for helping others.' - Audrey Hepburn |
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